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Home » Featured, Sunshine Mama Drama

Carlyn’s Journey-De Ja Vue XVIII

Submitted by on July 23, 2010 – 6:00 AMOne Comment
Carlyn’s Journey-De Ja Vue XVIII

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Sir Winston Churchill

Two days before Thanksgiving had finally come and I was sitting in my classroom waiting for the call from my doctor’s office. I was nervous and anxious for what they were going to tell me. In my mind, I kept hearing the words that could be said, “I am sorry, you’re not pregnant” or “Congratulations! You’re pregnant!” I kept rehearsing my response to the bad news and then I would try to refocus on something else besides the phone call.

It was a little before lunch when it came. Sitting there on the other end of the line was what I had been waiting for. My nurse said hello and “congratulations, you’re pregnant!”

My heart skipped a beat and it felt like she told me that we had won a million dollars!

The first called was to Robbie. I thought about the last time I told him the news and how different that had been. I was just so happy to give him good news.

The rest of the afternoon was spent by me glowing and sharing the great news. I was so thankful to God for giving us a miracle for the second time.

Two days later we were with our family celebrating and being thankful for the wonderful news. We were on cloud nine.

We went in for our first appointment when I was 6 weeks and 2 days. We were anxious to see how things were but not worried at all. For some reason, I was sure that this was going to be it.

It didn’t take long into the ultrasound to realize that something was wrong. On the screen, we saw the sac where inside a little embryo should have been. There was nothing. Once again, pandemonium set in.

All I could think was “This is NOT happening again!”

We met in an office with my doctor who said that we needed to return in 2 weeks and we would see where we are and if the embryo developed.

I tried to think positively and not think about what would happen at the next appointment. When two weeks arrived, I was a nervous wreck. It was all or nothing. Our dreams could be shattered again in just one second.

The ultrasound screen came on and once again we peered at an empty sac. My heart sank. I looked at Rob and I completely lost it. I was completely and utterly devastated.

“How could this be happening again?” I kept thinking over and over.

We met with my doctor in his office and he gave us the news. He informed us that the embryo did not develop and I could either miscarry naturally at home or he could do a D&C (which is a procedure done to remove the contents of the uterus).

He explained to us that if he did a D&C, he could send the sac to get tested to help determine why the embryo did not develop. On the other side, we could opt for a natural miscarriage (that I had endured once before and did not want to experience again.) Not to mention, this was now two weeks before Christmas.

After careful consideration, we decided to go with the D&C with the hopes that we could find out why I was miscarrying.

It was scheduled for 2 days later on a Friday. We entered the Women’s Medical Center where I soon realized that we were surrounded by very pregnant women everywhere.

As my eyes teared up, Robbie squeezed my hand and pointed to a pregnant lady and said “she sucks!”

It brought a smile to my face and I realized that even though it was one of the worse days of my life, I still had a husband who loved me and was with me every step of the way. I also had family and friends praying for us and whose heart was breaking for us.

Christmas was somber and I felt as though we were going through the motions. Although we had been through this type of heartbreak before, something inside me was broken.

It was going to be a long and hard road.

My journey is not over yet but I can promise that sunny days are coming! I hope you stick it out with me!

View All Content by Carlyn Duncan

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One Comment »

  • Carlyn,

    Once again your journey has made me celebrate, weep, and laugh all in one sitting. I cannot stress enough the admiration I have for you and Rob. Throughout this entire series the two of you, time and time again, pick yourselves up and hit the floor running!

    You’ve handled the ups and downs with the utmost dignity. You truly are a model couple. Your optimism in everything you do makes you stand out!

    As always, thank you for sharing this amazing journey. There is a lesson to be learned by all from it’s contents! I can’t wait for the next entry!


    Btw, I got the biggest kick out of Rob’s comment, “She sucks!” Way to go Rob!