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Home » Featured, Sunshine Mama Drama, Teacher Talk

For Men Only… (AND Women, Too!) Sexual Healing for a Healthier Life (Third in series)

Submitted by on April 12, 2010 – 6:00 AM6 Comments
For Men Only…  (AND Women, Too!)  Sexual Healing for a Healthier Life (Third in series)

Photo Courtesy of  http://www.EZPhotography.blogspot.com

Guys, the very hardest job a woman has in life is raising a child. The second is raising their man. Amen…

Most of us (men) would never consider trading our 9 to 5 for what your partner and mate must do 24/7. Green diapers, throw-up chunks and drool, constant exhausting attention, carpooling, whining and much more are as difficult on a par then what we/you deal with on a daily basis at a corporate level.

We come home from work and are thinking about getting some “wanky, wanky” when our partner desperately needs an understanding lover, a timeout break and a good nights sleep.

Our “come on” to her at 9PM many times is as rank to her as those shitty diapers in the waste bin. I know…

We can do better. Men, we must do better.

The recent New York Times bestseller “You Staying Young” suggests our taking a simple quiz regarding intimacy in dealing with our partner. Here goes and it’s gender friendly.

  1. Do you notice a change in your interest in sex? Does your partner?
  2. Do you have trouble becoming aroused or sufficiently lubricated?
  3. Does sex feel about as pleasurable as walking on thumbtacks?
  4. Do you reach orgasm about as often as the census is taken?

If you answered yes to any one of these questions it’s fairly obvious that sexual desire and arousal are declining faster then VCR/VHS sales. Good sex is more then just orgasm. It’s about desire, interest and understanding. It’s about communication especially with your partner when dealing with the rigors of raising children and/or dealing with the “Donald Trumps” of the world. Everyone has an “A-hole” and many of you deal with one/and or more each day!

My last column discussed your best friend and lover being one of the “fingers on your hand.” Total communication about anything and everything is the key. NO SECRETS ALLOWED…

I can offer a time tested solution to those seeking/needing assistance. It’s so very simple. Can we/you count to five? How many senses do we/you have? I promise you that if you make an effort to include EVERY one of the five senses starting before, during and after intimate moments that the woes of the day, for BOTH partners, can and will soon be forgotten. Amen, I say, again…

Sight, smell, hearing, touch and taste (my fav…) are so, so very important!

Dress to undress, bathe often and stay clean everywhere, (men, we are animals you know) hear and listen carefully to what your partner is saying, touch her with feeling/love and ALWAYS remember sweet kisses and tasting? (Hmmm…I’ll leave that to your imagination)

Guys, I mentioned before that the hardest job a women, your partner, has is that of raising a child. The hardest job we may have is keeping her interested in us after each long day she endures for us.

The reward is worth what you put into it.

The reward back is her total, unconditional love…

Attitudes and Latitudes by “Mr. Tom” Yankus

Photo Courtesy of  http://www.EZPhotography.blogspot.com

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  • Elena says:

    Well said Mr. Tom! I can only imagine what it is like to be a man. Wouldn’t it be great if role reversal were possible for a day? Or better yet, a week? I think that would mean we have died and gone to heaven and are therefore dead, so maybe we’ll just try to wear the shoes of our spouse on occasion and go from there. Putting ourselves in the shoes of our partner is so crucial to a healthy relationship. Woman try to do it all as they are in many cases, “working mom’s” to some degree. They have taken on a role of providing, along with the man, as well as naturally being the nurturer, house-cleaner (let’s face it guys….the majority of you just don’t care if the toilet is dirty and we sure as hell do), and sometimes all the cooking and laundry, etc. I am going to play devil’s advocate and add that us woman need to be equally sensitive to our men. Trying to balance so many things in our lives does leave one feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and ultimately resentful. At that point nobody is happy, let alone satisfied. Appreciate that your man is attracted to you even after a long day with the kids even though we are probably not looking so hot. He may not be changing diapers, but he is taking care of his family. Show some excitement when he walks in the door at the end of a long day. Tell him how much you appreciate what he does and even though we may have run of the house, please don’t act as if you are “man of the house,” and for God’s sake, don’t say it. What does that make him? Anticipate the needs of your partner. Ask for help if you need it but give him time to unwind at the end of the day before barking orders at him. Men, hopefully you don’t come home and just sit on your ass expecting to be treated like a king and waited on hand and foot by the “maid.” If you want to be treated like a king, then you better be treating her like your queen.

  • Mr. Tom says:

    Hi Elena,
    If we (men) had to switch roles for a day? Oh, my God…
    You said it all! If he makes you the queen, you’ll make him the king! It’s that simple. Communication is key in an open relationship and remember…NO SECRETS!!!
    Next week I’ll talk more about utilization of the five senses for a beautiful, healthy and intimate relationship.
    I just read about Contemporary Christian singer Amy Grant and Country singer Vince Gill (recently re-married) while I was waiting my turn for a haircut. These words have so much meaning and depth.
    I’ll quote from this recent Good Housekeeping article…”God made marriage for people. He didn’t make people for marriage. He didn’t create the institution so he could just plug people into it. He provided this so that people could enjoy each other to the fullest.”
    I’ll paste this one on my ‘fridge!

  • Elena,

    I love the fact that you recognize the resentment factor. For my husband and I, it was nearly impossible to balance both of our careers, the housework, meals,and still have time to be a “happy” family… Two years ago we had to rework first of all our priorities and then our duties. I am fortunate enough to work from home now so that has freed up a huge portion of my time. We have divided our “chores” and that’s not to say that because I am in charge of cooking that my sweet husband doesn’t alleviate me of my duties on several occasions… For us it’s just easier to have the divisions of responsibilities and then the rest just seems to fall into place. I also like your king and queen point… It’s just like I teach Madi and Hailey, treat others how you would like to be treated. Unfortunately it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really important when life’s day to day stressors start to take hold!! Thanks for the comment;)!!

    Mr. Tom,

    I love the fact that you are so in tune with women’s needs and you’re a STRAIGHT MAN… Lol!! What would Sunshine Mamas do without you! Luckily for me, the reason I married Matt is because he always (eventually) gets it… Whether he’s just appeasing me, or it’s truly genuine who knows?! Who cares for that matter! I just know he takes the time to love me the way I need to be loved. (Which can change on a daily basis, I’m a woman!!) Is it always perfect? No, but we try damn hard to ensure it is!! Kuddos to you Mr. Tom, my husband, and all the other awesome men out there!! Our families feed off of the leadership, guidance, and strength of our men! You are loved an appreciated!

  • Mr. Tom says:

    For whatever reason, some men just don’t get it! Yes, I’m as “straight as an arrow” BUT we (men) need to learn to be domestic in our relationships (maybe we need to learn from gay men regarding this?) God gave the male species two great “things” (the brain is one and use your imagination about the other!) It’s too bad both don’t work at the same time!!! God also gave man the ability to help a partner out by doing simple chores around the house. It’s just that simple.
    I LOVE to cook, (can I cook on a grill!) do the laundry and others various chores around my beach townhouse. I do most all the grocery shopping. Damn…I need to be on Oprah!!!
    Time management is important to balance out a successful relationship and something as simple as I’ve just mentioned can make the man “King of the Castle” appreciated by his queen and true partner and lover. Think of the REWARDS, guys!!!

  • sarah says:

    I enjoyed your article.I so believe that sexual healing is required in our marriage. I have a large family and the balance can be difficult with chores and all the things we do to serve our children and husband. I have been married for 13 years now. there are many transitions to your marriage. If you love your partner you have to be able to communicate it all. I often refer to my husband as charlie brown. A good dude. It is very difficult as a woman to make the transition from mamma to Hottie. I thankyou for putting in perspective for Dad too. We are so designed different. Understanding Touch and a break is sooo important to moms. We also forget how to be that Godess we moms are capable of somewhere in the mamma making factory.We have to find time as couples to connect. I have made changes in my life. I know the laundry and dishes will be waiting for me later. A little knookie always gets me lots of chore help too. Funny how that works….

  • Mr. Tom says:

    Hi Sarah,
    Total and honest communication is a must for a successful marriage. No secrets! There are transitions in life just as there are transitions in a marriage. One must keep the “fires burning” as much and often as possible. Especially, I stress, as we age. Both partners desire intimacy for that was God’s plan. It’s a matter of simple biology! Please read my next column out this week called “Intimacy Awakening.” Utilization of all our senses soothes the soul and adds desired passion with our partner. Enjoy!!!