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Home » Central Florida Moms, Featured, North Florida Moms, South Florida Moms, Sunshine Mama Drama, Teacher Talk

Loops Called Confusion

Submitted by on January 5, 2011 – 6:00 AM15 Comments
Loops Called Confusion

We all know that life does not always go as planned…bad things happen to good people…as I have written about before, beautiful couples can’t always have babies.  I’d like to take the time to open up my heart and personal experience to all of the readers whether they lead planned lives or not.  I find writing as a healing power and by sharing with Mamas throughout Florida I will be able to move on.

My husband James and I have always planned on having at least 3 children.  We wanted them to be a little spread out so we were thinking of trying for baby number two around our daughters next birthday, who by the way is 14 months now. We became so wrapped up in moving into our new home, working, going to school, and the holidays…BOOM I became pregnant!

As I sat in the bathroom with my daughter, Ileana, while holding that positive test I thought, how am I going to tell my husband we are going to have two children and things did not go as planned…am I excited?  Am I scared?  What do I do?  Who do I tell?  All of these questions running through my head.  I held my daughter tight, gave her a big kiss, smiled, and told her she was going to be a big sister.  I quickly found a small box and wrapped the test in wrapping paper.  I placed in on the kitchen table so he could open it when he got home.  Boy did that feel like the longest hour of my life!  He finally arrived.  After our normal greeting routine he asked about the gift.  I told him to open it and when he did he jumped up and down from excitement and tears rolled down both our faces.  We were going to have another baby.

This happened the first week of December and we made an agreement not to tell ANYONE until the week of Christmas.  We both stuck to the plan and continued on with our life.  Complete opposite feeling of when I was pregnant with Ileana.  No vomiting, no cravings, none of that craziness.  I was just really tired by 5pm from chasing Ileana.  I went for my first ultrasound at 7 weeks and there was the baby with a beautiful heartbeat.  We told our families and friends the news the week of Christmas and everyone was overjoyed!  Another baby Callahan!

Well…here comes that loop called confusion! Thursday, December 30, 2010 I began bleeding.  I was taken to the ER where an ultrasound was done.  How relieved were we to see that the baby was there with a heartbeat of 120 beats per minute.  The ER doctor said it looked like something next to the baby was the cause of the bleeding.  Possibly a miscarried twin, ruptured cist, or blood clot.  I asked if the baby would be alright and he told me it would be a day to day thing.  I was placed on bed rest until my doctor could see me Monday morning.

Naturally I was freaking out but tried my best to relax.  We cancelled all of our plans for the weekend and I never moved off the couch but to go to the bathroom.  Friday the bleeding became worse and was accompanied by cramps.  I passed some extremely big and painful blood clots.  Saturday and Sunday were pretty much the same.

Monday, January 3, 2011 we drove to the doctor’s office.  When the nurse called me in I got on the scale and had noticed I lost 5 pounds.  At that moment I had a bad feeling about what was about to happen.  My husband and I walked into the ultrasound room.  When the doctor began we looked up at the screen, no baby.

Talk about getting your heart ripped out!  It’s amazing how something so unplanned could be wanted so much.  Now I can’t picture not having another one right away.  But will I be ready?  Do we want to try soon?  Is there any reason to wait?  What if I cant get pregnant again?  Why did this happen in the first place?  So many questions go unanswered.  So many things ran through my mind.

The truth is, everything does not go as planned.  Life cannot be taken so seriously.  I don’t have time to be depressed and dwell on what has happened.  The reality of it is, I have a husband who needs his wife and a beautiful 14 month old daughter who wants her mommy to laugh and play with her.  What have I done?  Exactly that!  I said my prayers and my good byes.  Am I done crying? No.  But my life must go on.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But if you have a spare called Determination, a driver called Jesus, and insurance called Faith, you will make it to a place called success.

I have this quote hanging in my office and it is one I like to live by.

Thank you for letting me share my story.  For all of the couples who have experienced this as well I am very sorry.

Please read Just a Few Questions by Karlee as well.


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15 Comments »

  • Karlee,

    I can’t even fathom the distress you and James are experiencing right now. I am so sorry for your loss. The fact that you shared this with everyone really defines your strength. I greatly admire your courage and your outlook on life. You are a beautiful person on the inside and out. May the Lord be with you and your family during this time and always. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING we can do. I can be there in a heartbeat.

    All my love,
    Lori

  • Priscilla says:

    Karlee,

    Thanks for sharing, I can relate to your experience. I am sorry for your loss.

  • Dianne says:

    Karlee,

    As I write this, tears are filling my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a strong and wonderful person! God bless you and your family.

    Love,
    Dianne

  • Lori,

    Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Hopefully we will have our second baby some day and Ill be able to share a good news blog with everyone. For now, I am so thankful to be part of this amazing website and have the ability to share my experiences with everyone.

    Love Karlee

  • Victoria Corbyons says:

    Karlee,

    I am very sorry for your family’s loss. You and James are amazing people and what you said about bad things happening to good people is so very true. Our “planned” lives are sure a loop of confusion, as I learned myself. Thank you for sharing your story, It has touched me deeply. I’m sure you set out to write it to help yourself and other Mamas but you’ve said some things that have helped this non-mama. I love you dearly and know there are great things in your family’s future.

    Love you all,
    Vicky

  • jennifer liberatore says:

    Karlee,

    I know that we talked earlier but I had not read this yet. Your courage and strength is amazing. I wish I had the outlook that you do during my miscarriage. You were one of the most influential people during my struggle and I am here for you. I will we be there through this and I will be here when you announce the good news in a few months! In the mean time, treasure Ileana and keep your head up! XOXOXOXOXO

  • Tracie Callahan says:

    Karlee, What an amazing daughter I have, your story was wonderful and heart felt, Dad and I did our share of crying and now we smile as we look into the future an await our next grandchild or grandchildren. Life does go on. Our family is so wonderful, that is the proof I have that God is smiling on us.

    Mom.

  • Esther says:

    Hey my love! You really touched my heart with your article. I continue to pray for you, James and your family. You two are AMAZING peeple! Continue to think positive. Remember that you will always have my support! Love you lots and can’t wait to see you!

    Love,
    Esther =)

  • Katie Long says:

    Karlee,
    We Love Each and Every one of you. Your family is wonderful and we are praying for you. I find it comforting to know that those beautiful children are loved no matter if they are here on Earth or in Heaven with Jesus and our loved ones. I know exactly every emotion you have gone through in the past few months. I know those emotions all too well. I love you and James and wish the best for you and your family. We are always here if you need us. We may not be in the state but we are just a phone call away. Kisses to that beautiful girl.
    Always,
    Katie

  • Virginia says:

    Karlee,

    I am so sorry to hear about this and my heart goes out to you. I have known you for about 6 years now and your stregth and postive attitude towards life has always been something I admired…My prayers are with you and your family. xoxo

    Virginia

  • Mary Sellas says:

    Karlee,
    We are so sorry for the pain you and James are feeling now. You two are truly two of the most wonderful people and parents I know, your family will continue to grow in time and it will be wonderful:) Let your faith guide you through this difficult time, Locve you both. Mary xoxooxoxoxoxoxox

  • Karlee Callahan says:

    To all my friends and family who have commented on my blog:

    Thank you all for being such wonderful people in my life. I have a wonderful support system that makes life easier to make it through. I love you all!

    Karlee

  • Grandma Morgan says:

    May His light shine on you, James and Ileana always. Because of your strength, courage and love, you and James have led us, as a family, through this most difficult time. I am so proud of you both. Keep the faith because the best is yet to come.

  • Kim says:

    Karlee,
    Thanks for sharing. I pray that God will bless your demonstration of faith and strenthen you further through his might as you lean on Him through this. Thanks for sharing your quote: it was just what I needed for right now.

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