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Why Marriage? Why Not? Sexual Healing for a Healthier Life Tom Yankus (Adjunct Professor, NGC&SU)

Submitted by on December 3, 2010 – 6:00 AMOne Comment
Why Marriage? Why Not?  Sexual Healing for a Healthier Life  Tom Yankus (Adjunct Professor, NGC&SU)

I apologize to “Mama Lori” and the readers of our Sunshine Mama blog. My columns have been few and far between for I have recently moved from Melbourne Beach to beautiful Amelia Island. I’ve been “born again” here in a true beachside-golfing community. I turn one way on this island and I see so many golf courses and turn around and I see the blue Atlantic! How many golf courses and beaches can a 2X13 mile island have? Moving was stressful but well worth the effort. This, along with my college instructional obligations as an Adjunct Professor in Georgia, have consumed so much time the “Fall of 2010.” I want/must live in Florida for tax benefits BUT opt to complete my 43rd year in education in the lower Appalachians. I “work” about 10 days monthly. I’m NOT an “old fart” at 63. You just have to know me. I’m so, so VERY far from rocking chairs etc…


Recently, I have been drawn to write a column regarding the institution of marriage.

Why so?

Many that I have known once “tied-the-knot” about this time of the year. I did so myself in December of 1969. My close friend since childhood, Dr. Annie did the same on December 30th a year or so earlier. Oh, well… Spring is the number one time to wed. No doubt about that. Statistics claim that the holiday season follows close behind as the other time to wed.  Why so and “Joy to the World!”

We all want that joy and bliss to last forever. I so wanted this.

So what is the definition of marriage, anyway?

Wikipedia defines it in three basic ways. First, and foremost, it is a “committed” sexual union. Two become one “by-the- flesh.” Sexual healing (in my opinion and I hope that you understand this) is the most wonderful, glorious activity that two can share together. Again, God gave one a plug and the other the plug-in! Good idea with that one, God!

Next, marriage is a vow we are asked to publicly state.

It is also classified officially as a vow and a financial contract. Break the vow and be condemned forever. Marriage is supposed to create “kinship” according to the Wikipedia author as we often go into marriage poor and often go out of it poorer. I know this for a fact.

My column is way too short to trace the history back to the roots of “Marriage 101.” You don’t need to be bored with my ramblings. The way “marriage” has evolved from century-to-century, culture-to-culture and religion-to-religion truly is a history lesson regarding the institution of marriage. Just Wikipedia this and see what I mean.

Demographics so play a significant role. Catholics, Baptists, Muslims and Jews can make an “odd couple” in a marriage. Interracial relationships often create beautiful children. Think about that one. Going outside of comfort zones may be a challenge for some.

Marriage should be in one’s heart. Marriage must be in the soul. The one you love is the one you want to give your all.

I’ll leave you with this VERY true story.

My mother died in 1996 from complications related to smoking. My father was such a lonely man after mom died. They had been married some 50 years. Several years later in his adult community (not far from Melbourne Beach) dad met another senior widow. She is a kind person and I’ve grown to understand and love her.

As things happen they fell in love. They could not “officially” marry, though. It’s complicated dealing with family and financial concerns. You see, the IRS, Wills and retirement plans just got in the way.

The moral of the story is that they are happy together now and forever under the same roof.

In the eyes of the Lord and in their hearts they ARE married to one another. I was the best man at the church wedding some 10 years ago. Certain Florida and federal laws prevented this from being that “official” marriage. Maybe this has happened to someone you know?

Why marriage, anyway?

By the way, my 77 year old dad (I’ve been told) did NOT need Viagra that night!

I love you dad and thanks for your eternal spirit of life and living.

Stay in love regardless and always remember that “marriage” is that one kinship we all desire.

Love is unconditional and dad I still have some little “blue pills” if you ever need them!

After all, you are 87 now…

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One Comment »

  • Mr. Tom!! Welcome back my dear friend!! I think I speak for all when I say, “You were greatly missed”! I am pleased to know you are settled in your new place although, selfishly, I still wish I were able to mozy next door with a bottle of wine for some great friends and wonderful conversation!!

    You bring up some very valid points regarding marriage. It saddens me to think of how marriages have evolved over the years. I hate to say it, but in my heart I know of many more failures than I do success stories.

    Marriage is just like life, it is what you make it. Although one cannot do it alone either. I like to focus on some wise words of Uncle Diddy any time I feel my emotions ruling me in a negative way, “Be part of the solution, not part of the problem”!

    I love my husband and children more than life itself and hope that in the end, we will have a beautiful success story for my children to live by!

    Thank you so much for your thought provoking contribution!! Congrats to your Father and his wife. What a beautiful love story!! Best to you and yours, Mr. Tom! Key West here we come!!!